Dealing with Mental Health

Mental health is a very strange thing. Oxford Dictionaries defines mental health as “a person’s condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well-being.” I’ve read that definition at least a dozen times since looking it up, and it still doesn’t make any sense to me. This is such a tricky topic because so many mental health conditions don’t have definitive diagnostic tests like a quick throat swab for strep or an x-ray for a broken bone. Mental health issues rely primarily on what a doctor observes in their patient or what the patient tells the doctor. Then there’s the stigma associated with mental health issues. Even though mental health issues are becoming more widely accepted and talked about, there are still a number of people out there that view people with mental health issues as weak or crazy even though that isn’t true. In addition to these stigmas, many people also have to deal with their own self-image before seeking help. With so much bad stuff happening in the world it is easy for patients to wonder why they should even worry about their problems when other people have it so much worse. In many cases all of these negative views and stereotypes build up inside a patient before they finally hit their low point and seek help. Even though it isn’t easy to hit what you believe to be the lowest point in your life, it is better to realize you’ve hit that point and get help before it becomes too late. 

Welcome

Hello! If you have stumbled across my blog, thanks for stopping by.

Just in case you're intrigued by the title and wondering what the blog is about, I'll give you an introduction with a little info about myself and the blog.

My name is Ashley and I'm 24 years old. I've struggled with depression for the past 5 years and in April, I lost my brother-in-law/roommate/best friend to suicide. For the first 4 years after my diagnosis, I was on a pretty high dosage of anti-depressants. At some point during my 4th year, I decided I was ready to lower my dosage and talked about how to do this with my doctor. Over time, I tried a half a dose and then a quarter dose, and found that I could function well on the half dose level. I spent almost a year on that dosage, and then I experienced the most traumatic day of my life.

When I first started experiencing signs of depression, it was like trying to swim against the tide. I could try to swim but the tide was always stronger, and eventually I gave up. I quit fighting it and let the depression take over me and pull me into its dark depths. Fast forward 4 long years and I'm finally starting to feel better and I feel ready to live my life without so much medication. I enjoyed almost a full year on a half dosage of my medication and I experienced some pretty great things. I went on my first cruise, started grad school, got my first non-retail job, had awesome family game nights, started wedding planning, and got married!

We decided to postpone our honeymoon until the summer because we were both in school at the time and didn't want to have to worry about assignments on our honeymoon, so the day after the wedding we went back home. Being back home, it was like nothing had changed except for our titles. Instead of a fiance I had a husband, and instead of living with my fiance's brother, I now lived with my brother-in-law (although I always called him my brother, so this didn't really matter).

Aside from the fact that I had a tonsillectomy on April 11th, things were going great until April 13th. I was stuck in a recliner with a humidifier and bottle of water on one side and my medications and a timer on the other side, but everyone else was having a pretty normal day. Around 9pm that night we started hearing weird noises, and about an hour later the happy life I had started to fall apart around me. This time it wasn't like swimming against the tide, it was like being pushed over the edge of a cliff. With no warning or explanation, I experienced the most traumatic thing I've ever gone through and when all of the mess died down I fell instantly into the deepest depression I've ever experienced. 

In my blog posts, I'll cover more info about my history and backstory with depression, what exactly happened on April 13th, and how I've dealt with things since that day. I hope that by sharing my experience, others can feel empowered to talk about their own mental health struggles or the often stigmatized issue of losing a loved one to suicide.

If you want to share your own thoughts or just need someone to talk to, feel free to leave me a comment, I'd love to hear from you!